Father’s Day

On any other day, I might care what you say, but roughly, on average, every 52nd Sunday, or thereabouts, is Father's Day.

Paul: “Since it’s Father’s Day, do you reckon I might get some sexy times later?”

Sara: “Pfft. It may be Father’s Day, but you’re not my father.”

Paul: “Are you saying you have sex with your dad on Father’s Day?”



Time is money. Every second they take is subtracting from my winnings.

Sara: “I’d hate to win the jackpot at the casino. They make you wait for ages while they get your money.”



Yee-Haa Duffman

Sara, holding up a Woody doll from Toy Story: “And what’s this guy’s name?”

You’ve got a friend in Duff. OH YEAH!!!

Dexter: “Yee-ha Duffman.”


Canine teeth can get a bit bighty if you don't walk them enough.

Abigail: “Owww!”

Paul: “What’s wrong?”

Abigail: I bit my teeth!



Dexter, sitting on the toilet, pointing at little Dexter: Look Mummy, a hotdog!

Dexter after squashing little Dexter : Look Mum, a pillow!



How can we be loved ones if we can't be friends?

Carly wishing Paul, her brother, and his family, a Happy Easter:


Carly: “Happy Easter lovers! Hope the bunny spoilt you all rotten. Love me n Squash xx”


Paul: “Lovers? Zuh?”


Carly: “As in loved ones! Duhhh!!!”


Paul: “lol ok then. Happy Easter to you too fuck buddies! (as in fuckin good buddies)”




A Midsummer Night’s SCREEEEEEEEEAAAM, coming to a cinema near you.

Abi: “What are some good girl’s names for my doll?”

Paul: “How about Juliet, as in Romeo & Juliet?”

Abi: “Errrr Dad. It’s called Gnomeo & Juliet!”


A posimist believes the glass is trying its best and if it keeps up the hard work, it can be as full or as empty as it wants to be.

Carly talking about her outlook on teaching:

Carly: “Even though getting work is hard and gets me down im staying posamistic about getting a job.”

Josh: “Wait what did you say?”

Carly: “Getting work is hard.”

Josh: “Before that.”

Carly: “Im staying posimistic.”

Josh: “????”

Carly: “Oh don’t tell Paul.”


Growth spurts at age 31 are not uncommon amongst blondes.

“I feel taller today.” Sara